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Thursday, February 23, 2012

My Own Thoughts

   Lately I've been steeped in the thoughts of others, especially regarding my spiritual journey. My two years at Andover Seminary, while not resulting in an M.Div., were seminal in breaking wide open the God box. I found there's a place for me, rather I should say I found there's room for me. Place reflects stability,  a sense of the unchanging. The study of God is broad and deep but it is not static.
    We're all on one big scavenger hunt with our lists in hand and when we collect everything on the list we hope we will get the grand prize. We will find GOD. Perhaps we already have found The One because the fact that we are searching is a manifestation that it already exists in our imagination or we wouldn't be looking. Everyone is in the haystack digging around for the needle but each seeker has a unique vision of the needle. So perhaps The One is really The Many.
   Studying the early church was frustrating due to my own narrow mindedness, ignorance and fear. I had no understanding of the cultural context in which it existed. What I saw as an attempt by the early church fathers to limit God by putting him into a finite man-made box was God revealing itself to people in the language of their particular historical and social setting. They were a diverse bunch and they too each had their own unique vision of the needle. The formation of Christianity as we look back on it from the twenty-first century was hardly the harmonious gathering of like-minded people we are encouraged to be today. It was steeped in the same political controversies and heresies that we are still muddling through. And just as today, these controversies are not so much about God as they are expressions of the tensions of transition, political and otherwise. Change is at the heart of the divine nature. God refuses to be trussed up and displayed in a carnival side-show.
   The more I read, listen, look, and pay attention to the details, the bigger God gets. This is fine with me because, quite frankly, I want a great big God, a God so big there's no hope of having a complete understanding. Just managing my little slice of the universe is quite demanding enough for me. But I have noticed that this Great Big Deity occasionally curls up inside me for one-on-one time. I don't know how it happens. I just know those are my most precious moments. I doubt if it's just my own voice speaking to me because I often hear what I don't want to hear. This presence often confuses with me with someone who is much more courageous, compassionate and talented than I am. But oddly when I'm called to be more than I believe I am, I rise to the occasion.
   

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